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2024/03/05- 2024: An Exercise In Patience


So to get this out of the way first, new pronouns, yes yes, very exciting. she/her + he/him. Online folks really don't have to worry how they use them, just pick one. My preferences for one or the other in any specific circumstances really only matters with my close friends. And yes, I did beta test the pronouns on my D&D character before coming out to folks, thank you for asking.

It's been exactly a year since my last blog post. I guess I haven't been posting much here because I'm not sure how I want to use this space. Do I want to use this blog like how I used my tumblr as a young teen, just posting whatever came to mind? do I want to write blogs that are thought out and insightful, like mini essays? I know that I want to share things here more. I'm just not sure what that looks like for me, or what I'm comfortable with giving of myself. As a kid I was very cautious to never give any information out about myself online, not even my name or my birthday. Now, through various decisions made over the years both those things (and more if you look for them) are incredibly easy to find. My full name is on most of my social media! I think part of my reflection on this issue is because there's so much pressure to build a persona, especially for artists who post online. It's easy to get swept up in that. And now that I'm thinking of pursuing art more seriously this year, potentially going back to markets and submitting to zines again, the question of a "brand" has risen in my mind. How do I differentiate myself as an artist? What do I even call myself? Should I use my real name or come up with an alias? Despite my trepidation, I think I'm going to continue just posting my work under my full name. Partly because at this point there's no wiping it from the internet, but also because I don't want to come up with an artist alias unnecessarily when so much of what I do is also in real life, markets and galleries and meeting up with folks in local artist spaces.

All I really have to do now is make stuff, but it still feels like I'm picking up the pieces of my life after graduation. It feels foolish to say, two years later, but I'm just not in a place where I can create art like I used to, not yet. I need to give myself room to rest and heal. I want to make things during that healing process of course, but I also want to understand what actions need to be taken to make my art practice sustainable in the long run. Focusing on food, sleep, environment, etc.

This is what I want to focus on this month:

  1. Meal planning, making sure preparing food and eating is not overwhelming
  2. Practicing grounding practices like journalling and meditation
  3. Making sure my space is clean and set up in a way that makes tasks easier to do (keeping important items in view, easy to access important tasks, etc.)
  4. Explore my interests outside of art, read books and research fashion and history and philosophy, whatever catches my eye. Write about it in my journal or sketchbook (not my blog, though some may end up here eventually)

If I make art, great! But my first priority is building a life in which the practice of creating art feel like a mode of expression again, rather than a chore.

Where this site fits into all that I'm not sure, but I definitely have no plans to abandon this little corner of the net. Social media is becoming more and more unappealing by the day. I'm not leaving it anytime soon, but I'd like to focus on making this site the FIRST place I think to post my art. I think in order to do that I need to keep working on making this site aesthetically interesting, and authentically mine. I'd also like for it to be formatted better for mobile. Desktops are obviously cooler but so many people only have a phone, or are used to using their phones to look up art and other things, I don't want to prevent so many people from visiting my site by having hostile mobile design.

Whoever is reading this, wherever you are in your journey, I hope you can have patience with yourself. It's so hard, so so incredibly hard, but you're doing such a good job, I promise.